TTR: The Enabling Trap
Beware of the Enabling Trap! Internalizers and Externalizers: On the surface it looks like the codependent (Internalizer) is a Saint and the counter-dependent (Externalizer) is a Scoundrel! But on a subconscious level they both fear intimacy for various reasons. Therrefore, they need each other; The codependent needs the problem person to provide an external focus and the counter-dependent needs the codependent to stay even when they make it difficult to do so, or someone to blame, or someone to clean up after their "mistakes".Emotionally wounded children learn to "cover-up" their False-Self by projecting an image others might find acceptable. This is often referred to as "wearing a mask" aka cover-ups. They unwittingly invent and project these "masks", or survival roles, in order to get at least some of their needs met. Family Hero, Family Scapegoat or Rebel, Lost Child, and Family Mascot are outlined as well as how they come to take on these survival roles. One of the Survival Roles is the behind-the-scenes Family Hero. This child is the "Responsible One" which is typically a codependent-in-training. The Internalizer NEEDS an Externalizer to partner with. They are compatible because the Internalizer is all-about-others and the Externalizer is all-about-self. If I am all-about-me, and you are all-about-me-too, then we will find each other. The only difference between the two is which direction do they point the energy from the Scab of Contempt.